Karen F.
Posted by

Anxiety, OCD and me

Karen F.
Posted by
05 Apr 2016

The terrible experience of having OCD and then dealing with the anxiety of a diagnosis of cancer.

Right now been in near panic attack for two days.  I have anxiety leading to OCD "cleaning binge".  I haven't done a real cleaning since my diagnosis, had been too sick, too weak to do anything about it.  Yes I had someone vacuum/dust/change the bed etc... But other than that it was all still the there!  So for the last two days I've been cleaning my room, going through paperwork, cleaning the trunk of my car etc... Almost 6-8 hours each day.  Then came across papers from right before my diagnosis... It was like when someone is kidnapped and the parents leave the room just as it had been the day of the kidnap... Well I've been living in that shrine.  I'm trying to make light of the situation by thinking of a cleanse...  Throwing out all this stuff... But the truth is I'm helpless and feel completely out of control and desperately want to stop.  I've laid down in bed trying to sleep/nap/rest only to look around and spot something I meant to do or forgot to do bc of chemo brain... And I get up out of bed only to restart the binge.  Just occurred to me "cleaning bulimia!"  I binge then purge my room!    I have a call into my psychiatrist but he's away on vacation, so called my GP.  Earliest apt I could get is Friday... Going to be a long week until then.  

Comments

Eleanor Baggley
06.04.2016

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time this week. Take care of yourself and I hope you're able to speak to someone soon. All the best, Eleanor

16.04.2016

Update...  I saw my GP and got some medicine in the meantime.  Monday I see my psychiatrist and we'll definately discuss it then!