Moss J
Posted by

Day 10 but feeling down

Moss J
Posted by
25 Apr 2015

Well, I made it, day 10 of first cycle. However instead off being pleased I feel down as I now know I've got 2-3 weeks in here.  With the chemo it feels like there's a purpose to being here. Now I'm worried that without it I'm just going to sink into the blues. It's not helped by 1 consultant saying 2 weeks and another saying3! I know I'm prone to infection now and I know I need to be here but the thoughts  not being there for my girl's 4th birthday makes me feel sad. 

Comments

Anonymous
25.04.2015

Keep positive, if they're keeping you in its for a reason & it's better to be in there & bored, than going home, getting an infection & ending up back in there anyway but feeling crap xx catch up on some Jeremy Kyle, read cheesy celeb mags, paint ur nails as many different colours as possible (all thing I did when I was last in

28.04.2015

Hi Josephine,

Thanks for the update although really sorry to hear that you're feeling low. It must be incredibly frustrating to be in hospital with nothing to do especially when you have a family that you love and care for so deeply that you want to be out for. However, I guess that you've got to try and look at the bigger picture which is that this will all be worth it in the future when you will be able to look forward to your daughter's 5th, 6th, 7th... 18th birthday without the fear of leukaemia.

Much easier said than done of course and easy to say when you're not stuck in the hospital. Is there anything that we can do to help cheer you up? 

28.04.2015

Thanks Claire, was having a grumpy day! You are very right, I'm now starting school reports, lots to do

 

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Sending you lots of good wishes Josephine.... What beautiful children you have. Think of their lovely smiling faces when you feel blue and it will help lift your spirits xx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

My heart goes out to you Josephine having been in the same situation as you 8 years ago. Missing my girls was the hardest part of my treatment but they also gave me incredible strength to get better. There will be plenty more birthdays and you will cherish and enjoy each one even more. Love, strength and hope coming your way xxx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

I know it is difficult but the main thing is keeping positive, keeping as well as you can and looking to the future. When I was being treated for AML I had to miss my son's first Christmas because I was in hospital. This year I will be helping him celebrate his 18th birthday, and those dark days are a distant memory. Look forward to being there to see those beautiful girls grow up.

Anonymous
03.05.2015

I can only imagine how you are feeling. I hope you are able to deal with the boredom. Keep strong and positive as much as you can. Take Care.

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Its better to miss one birthday than many, its only natural to be upset and down what amazing mum wouldn't be? You WILL get through this, you WILL get this out of your body but you WON'T be the person you were before - you WILL be stronger. Keep stronger and you WILL celebrate birthday and appreciate every moment. Stay strong x

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Don't give up Josephine, you can do this, and you've done the chemo bit now, so you get stringer. I have CML and in 2013 was diagnosed with a rare and aggresive breast cancer. Happily no evidence of disease for that,. Diagnised with CML this February, felt like just as I was getting back on track I had been hit by a truck. But now just focussed on getting better. So bug hugs to you, don't you dare give up, sending you love xxxxx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Hi Moss, I have 5 kids and spent a lot of time in hospital in 2013 with AML. I started my chemo early March and was lucky enough to be recovered enough by April 12 to go home for a couple of hours for my 7 yr old son's birthday. I am now back to enjoying life with my kids full time and feel strongly that every Minuit I spent in hospital away from the kids that year was well spent as I am now a full time mum again, without the treatment I wouldn't be here. Now this course of chemo has stopped you must focus on the next stage, making sure you are rested and well enough to give your body the best chance of a full recovery. Treat your body like you would your child if he or she were ill. It's so worth it. It seems to take forever for me to get better but now I look back and it seems like such a short time.
Seriously though, with the stuff they can do these days, AML doesn't stand a chance! If every I can help, feel free to talk, sallyharris333@gmail.com good luck. X

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Best wishes you will be better before you know it. Sending prayers for your quick and complete recovery. God Bless

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Josephine Moss I know exactly how you feel I missed my daughters 4th birthday, it's heartbreaking not too be with them, but the thought of her will help you get through it.. Keep strong and you will get through it all.. I know it's not nice I had AML& the treatment is aggressive but you can do it!!!! My daughter is now 21:-).... Sending hugs to you& your family xxx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Sending many positive thoughts your way.XXX

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Keep your chin up, keep smiling for your babies, and when you feeling back to your normal self, please contact me through facebook I have 2 caravans in Brean, Somerset I let out, and would like to offer you a weekend away with your babies, this would be of no cost to you and your family, it will be on me for you to enjoy.

Anonymous
03.05.2015

My daughter Scarlett started her fight with leukemia at five. We missed so many celebrations in the 2 1/2 years of treatment. But it only made the biggest celebration, her end of treatment party, even more amazing.
It is hard to keep your eye on the end of treatment. To think of life after cancer. But you will get there. And while you cannot make up for what you will have missed you will have a much deeper appreciation for everything.
Big hugs. And if u want to see Scarlett's end of chemo celebration. Go to her fb page smiles for Scarlett. It'll definitely put a smile on your face :).

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Way, way over here in the Texas Hill Country -- just a little north of San Antonio -- you have a friend and supporter in me! Your children are lovely just like you, and you are modeling bravery, perseverance, patience, and love for them. Use the time to "wait upon the Lord" and sink your feet in the concrete of God's word. (I also began to knit during my chemo stays

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Sending you pma. You will get home and then you can celebrate the birthday (she can be like the queen and have an official one!)
Lots of love from us all xx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

I was exactly in the same position with AML in 2001 so I know what you are talking about. I was in 5 weeks and then another three lots of 5 weeks after that. The first one is the worse as you really havent a clue what is going on but after that you get some idea and then believe it or not you will be eager to get out and then back in for the other courses. There are unfortunately a few events you will miss but just think each stay is another stay of getting you better. It is now 2015 and I am now in long term remission with all my children married and with grandchildren. As you said you will now be prone to infection that is why you are there. Plan you day even walk around the hospital I know I did that is until they didn't allow me to as all counts were very low. Try not to be sad. Thinking of you. Keep positive.

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Keep your chin up, you will be around for many more of your daughters birthdays.Give her an extra birthday when you get home.Good luck for the future and stay positive xxx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Josie
We ask how you are when I speak to Eileen, you are a strong and positive young lady, who has the love of all her family and friends. Take care sending lots and lots of love
Denise Mark and Rhys xxxxx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Hearts,thoughts,prayers with you and your girls as you continue to beat this. Beautiful picture of all three of yal.

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Hi Josie,

Hope you don't mind me writing but your cousin kind of dropped you in it on this one ;)

Sorry to hear you aren't well and away from your ridiculously beautiful family. Thinking of you and sending you good wishes from across the pond.

Stay positive and you'll be cuddling them in no time. Lots of love x

Anonymous
03.05.2015

What beautiful children you have. How difficult a time you are having and I am sorry. Can you have someone film your little of girls party for you so you can watch? I do not think I would watch right now. I would wait because right now it may make you feel worse. Watch it when you are home with her sitting on you lap and you are able to hug her. Three weeks seems long right now but the treatments are the road to good health and getting back to those precious children. Prayers for a full recovery and many happy healthy future birthdays with your babies. Good luck

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Dear Josephine, Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you. Sorry you were not able to be with your daughter to celebrate her 4th birthday but I am sure you will celebrate together when you are feeling better. Your girls are beautiful. No wonder they keep you going. My two kept me going. Wishing you all the best and hoping things improve. Claire xxx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

My lovely daughter Kirsty was diagnosed with AML in October 2012 aged 33. On May 8th she will be celebrating her '2nd' birthday. Two years since a stem cell transplant from her brother. We were initially told she was unlikely to need a transplant but things changed, she is doing really well and is back to almost full time work. Hope everything goes well for you and your family.

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Hi Josephine,sorry to hear you are feeling down .It's only natural ,so don't be hard on yourself.Of course you're sad to be missing your little girls birthday.Wish l could do something to cheer you up.l will keep you in my prayers.God bless you.xxxMargare

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Hi, I know it's hard but try and enjoy what u have and look to the future. It's hard missing my twin sister who died last year x x

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Hi Josephine. Hope its going ok for you. It's pretty crap being in hospital but I'm sure they're looking after you. I have leukaemia and so far I've had six months' chemo. My CLL is incurable so I'll need further treatment. I was diagnosed in 2008 but it behaved itself until 2011 when it decided to morph into the bad kind. Remember you're allowed to feel sorry for yourself! You'll get through this. In between my CLL diagnosis and chemo I was diagnosed with a urological cancer and had to have my right kidney, ureter and partial bladder removed. Hard to kill a bad weed, as my old granny would have said! Take it easy and stay strong! xx

Anonymous
03.05.2015

Hi Josie

Its jenna Ali's friend, just spoke to her and she said how well you are doing, just wanted to say thinking of you and will be checking up on your blog to see how you are doing! Take care xxx

Anonymous
04.05.2015

Dear Josephine,
You are a wonderful mom. You make your 4 year old feel like it's her birthday everyday because you are her mom and no one else can give her the gift of you and the bond you two share. Take a moment to be frustrated to miss the day but know that there are so many good days ahead, so many adventures and joys to share, celebrations for all of you.

Anonymous
04.05.2015

There will be more and more birthdays for you to attend.
Get better, please

Anonymous
04.05.2015

Hi Josephine, just wanted to send lots of positive thoughts your way. I have two girls pretty much identical age to yours and my own mother had AML 12 years ago. She took up knitting to help pass the time in hospital having treatment. Good luck with all the treatment - it's come on a long way since my Mum was ill - and keep focused on the end goal! xxxxx