I’m very sad to say that my little black cat Sooty has not come home & to be honest, with the change in seasons very much upon us & the fact that he has now been gone more than 3 months now makes me think that he won’t return. I’ve been following up multiple leads on social media, each time to no avail, & one evening my Dan got extremely upset after yet another trail went cold. It was at that point that I decided that we would get a kitten & luckily someone I knew had a little one that would be ready in a couple of weeks. We went to see her a couple of days later, instantly fell in love & asked if we could collect her ten days later – cue much excitement from Dan & I & some retail therapy for the new fur baby, who was to be named “Pickle” . When we brought her home, there was some shaking & hissing (from Pickle) & some interested sniffing from Meg followed by whimpering & bowing down in front of Pickle. I have the soppiest Labrador in the whole world but this was impressive even by Meg’s standards! Two weeks later, they are firm friends, snuggling up together on the sofa & playing chase & the house feels “right” again. It’s funny how something so little can completely change how we feel & although the pain of losing our other little cat has not gone, it has eased considerably.
When I saw my psychologist a couple of weeks ago, I was in a bit of a mess – I wasn’t feeling too well, hadn’t been for a few weeks & I have been getting very tearful at home. Work was very busy & I was slap bang in the middle of a project, which I always find draining & additionally, following a review of my medication, my Doctor had asked me to reduce my anti-depressants by half to see if I was ready to come off them. I was prescribed anti-depressants when my marriage ended in 2010 & I remained on them when I was diagnosed with lymphoma a couple of months later. I have tried to reduce them before & even though my dosage is very low, it doesn’t take much to tilt the balance back the wrong way which is precisely what happened this time & my psychologist said that she felt that we had gone back two years again since I had had the same sort of conversation with her then. We also decided that I need to be assertive when I next see my Doctor & explain that I must remain on this medication, which really is very low, since my mood dips considerably otherwise.
Since I’ve started blogging about my own mental wellbeing as I face the daily challenges of watch & wait, I’ve been astonished at the number of people who have also been very open about how it affects them & what help (if any) they have received. For me personally, a daily (very low) dosage of anti-depressants & a 6-weekly visit to a psychologist help me to handle my new normal, bridging the gap between existing & truly living. It’s funny how something so little can completely change how you feel …….