Kate G
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Diary of a "Fake" Cancer Patient - Bridging the Gap

Kate G
Posted by
13 Oct 2014

I’m very sad to say that my little black cat Sooty has not come home & to be honest, with the change in seasons very much upon us & the fact that he has now been gone more than 3 months now makes me think that he won’t return. I’ve been following up multiple leads on social media, each time to no avail, & one evening my Dan got extremely upset after yet another trail went cold. It was at that point that I decided that we would get a kitten & luckily someone I knew had a little one that would be ready in a couple of weeks. We went to see her a couple of days later, instantly fell in love & asked if we could collect her ten days later – cue much excitement from Dan & I & some retail therapy for the new fur baby, who was to be named “Pickle” . When we brought her home, there was some shaking & hissing (from Pickle) & some interested sniffing from Meg followed by whimpering & bowing down in front of Pickle. I have the soppiest Labrador in the whole world but this was impressive even by Meg’s standards! Two weeks later, they are firm friends, snuggling up together on the sofa & playing chase & the house feels “right” again. It’s funny how something so little can completely change how we feel & although the pain of losing our other little cat has not gone, it has eased considerably.

When I saw my psychologist a couple of weeks ago, I was in a bit of a mess – I wasn’t feeling too well, hadn’t been for a few weeks & I have been getting very tearful at home. Work was very busy & I was slap bang in the middle of a project, which I always find draining & additionally, following a review of my medication, my Doctor had asked me to reduce my anti-depressants by half to see if I was ready to come off them. I was prescribed anti-depressants when my marriage ended in 2010 & I remained on them when I was diagnosed with lymphoma a couple of months later. I have tried to reduce them before & even though my dosage is very low, it doesn’t take much to tilt the balance back the wrong way which is precisely what happened this time & my psychologist said that she felt that we had gone back two years again since I had had the same sort of conversation with her then. We also decided that I need to be assertive when I next see my Doctor & explain that I must remain on this medication, which really is very low, since my mood dips considerably otherwise.

Since I’ve started blogging about my own mental wellbeing as I face the daily challenges of watch & wait, I’ve been astonished at the number of people who have also been very open about how it affects them & what help (if any) they have received. For me personally, a daily (very low) dosage of anti-depressants & a 6-weekly visit to a psychologist help me to handle my new normal, bridging the gap between existing & truly living. It’s funny how something so little can completely change how you feel …….

Comments

Anonymous
13.10.2014

Thank you for sharing this Kate, it has inspired me to appreciate the little things in life more x

Anonymous
14.10.2014

That's very kind of you thank you - I really do believe that it's the little things that make all the difference xxxx

17.10.2014

Hi Kate,

Really sorry to hear about your cat and that you've had a bit of a deep recently, although it sounds like you've got it under control. I think what you're doing to raise awareness with this blog is amazing and I think the way that you're dealing with everything is also commendable. You're providing a voice for Watch and Wait patients and you're helping to lift the lid on the emotional and pysychological impact of blood cancer which is often overlooked.