I woke up this morning cancer free….. I smiled. Looked in the mirror and had a really good laugh at myself. What a pleasure, what a feeling of empowerment, joy, relief and disbelief that I have one day at a time beaten cancer, Yesterday I was told by my oncologist at Bart’s that I did not need a stem cell transplant, that my blood and bone marrow are cancer free and that basically, just for today I do not have a single solitary microscopic or otherwise sized cancer cell in my body, That I was in fact in total remission!
Did I doubt this to be the ultimate outcome? No. Never not for a single solitary minute Why? Because I found Faith…. Not Religious Faith not Spiritual Faith but true and complete Faith in myself and my own power within. I feel it important for me to add at this juncture that I also accept and know that any and all prayers either religious or otherwise have all added to the power of the collective energy which I believe has been a fundamental element in my healing. In other words faith for me was an understanding on the deepest of emotional mental a physical levels of acceptance, knowing that not only was I Healed, I was Whole and I was Healthy. Words given to me by one of the very few women on the planet that I listen to. My dear friend Karin xxx. Anyhow, that’s my version of faith and what I chose to embrace and empower.
So how did I find the trust to believe in this Faith? Because after all it was really only blind faith at this time as I was yet to find the tools to apply it. Well, here is where Free Will and Choices come in, because once you realise that everything we Do, Say and Are, is based on those moments where our free will leads us to make choices. Sometimes in a split second, but, nevertheless they are Free Will Moments that you must act upon. So at this point it is where I chose this most crucial of Free Will moments to Accept, Know and Believe that “My needs would be met” and I was Healed Whole and Healthy! After all when you are in a fight for your life. Do you take the challenge or do you curl up and die???? No contest for me there really!
Grasping this concept took Help. Big Help.! I had only a few days earlier been diagnosed with NHFL Stage 4a Cancer. Still in shock, and still adjusting to what frankly had just rocked my world (and not in a good world rocking way!!!) The Universal Energy guiding our lives on this planet Earth led me to two light bulb moments, you could say epiphanous even!
Here is how it went!
Cancer very quickly seemed to be all around me, on the telly, radio, papers, bill boards you name it was like Belisha beacons popping up every where….. So, what did I do? Well, I stopped and I listened, I read and I watched. People, books, TV shows, the same ones we all watch, listen and read, but when I Really listened. I opened my mind to what I now see as a great gift, the first of these gifts came in the form of a DVD called “The Secret” highlighted on the Oprah show. No surprises there! However, and trust me on this, it only took a minute of this show for me to sit up, eyes wide open and listen. I heard phrases, words & suggestions, concepts and ideas that although I found them strange at first, Once I actually started to process there meaning and to understand them. Then it all started to make sense! And I immediately identified with that which I was hearing.
Can you imagine spending a serious amount of your life trying to figure out what God is or what spirituality is or what religion is and as a realist looking for proof? Then suddenly something comes along, that for the first time in your life makes sense! And it’s not spiritual and it’s not religious and it’s got nothing to do with any form of God or other Unworldly or Worldly being. Some would suggest that it is the scientific view, of how life and all things work and come to exist. Energy verses Matter, Einstein’s theory of relativity and how all things in our world are made up of either energy or matter! Now here’s where it gets really interesting because, at this point along comes Karin, whom, by the way, had tried to pass on this second gift once before in my lifetime and which I rejected as poppy cock, because I just wasn’t ready to receive it! But boy oh boy was I ready to receive it this time!!!!
It came in the shape of a book called the “Power of the Subconscious Mind” this combined with “The Secret” and remarkable insight of my great friend (mentioned above) I had the recipe, which equalled Faith, all I had to do was start to Live it and guess what I embraced it with every single fibre of my being and I worked it every second, minute, hour that I was given, and what came back was the most incredible realisation that I truly had the power to “Recreate me”.
“WE ARE WHAT WE CREATE” this for me was the phrase that changed my life! All my life I have suffered with various lumpy bumps and bits in or on my body that started at quite a young age and where generally considered to be nothing more than cysts and random nodules, all of which where removed, and all of which had no consequence!
Then 10 years ago I was diagnosed with a brain tumour at this time I had 2 small children one of whom was still breast feeding. After a good 4/5 months of hospitalisation and treatment to remove the tumour, which was on my pituitary gland, and which was only diagnosed by a fluke as I did not present at this time with any of the normal recognised symptoms of this particular tumour.
Thankfully pituitary tumours are rarely cancerous so once again I came out of this situation relatively unscathed, other than the physical effects of surgery which were overcome within a matter of months, so how is this relevant to the statement “We are what we create”! Well, me being me, for many years after my tumour I would joke with my friends and family “That one of these lumps was going to be the death of me!!!! In other words one day one of these random lumps or bumps was going to be cancerous! And in fact on many occasion and in my darkest moments I said it to my self and more than that I believed it to be true (as did my subconscious mind) more on that in a bit!
So, here is where the power of the subconscious mind comes in! As I understand it, our Conscious Mind is what helps us live and understand the world around us, but, it is our Subconscious Mind that works away quietly in the background creating and recreating our thoughts, and it is our very thoughts and words that the subconscious mind Hears and understands to be Fact, as it Cannot tell the difference between a truth and a lie, and therefore what ever it hears, either verbally (i.e. the spoken word) or through our conscious thoughts it will Create!! In my case 10 years later, low and behold I am diagnosed with a Stage 4a Cancer!
So as my conscious mind came to understand that It was within my power to recreate my physical body, by using my thought processes, that’s exactly what I began to do and more importantly I had Faith unquestionable Faith in the power of the universal energy, in the power of the collective energies created by all the thousands of prayers and mantras being said for me every day, that here was the panacea for my full and total recovery!
Of course there were moments that I questioned and in the early days of diagnosis I grabbed blindly at any tools I could find to achieve a full state of healthy well being these tools manifested themselves to me each and every day and they were and are so simple that all you have to do is TRUST! At this point, I can honestly say, that I was no longer running on “Blind Faith” but true unadulterated Belief, as I described earlier, that these tools would work.
So what did I do?
I stopped saying things like Oh my god I have got cancer! Oh my god I can’t believe I have got cancer and of course those moments when I faced myself in the mirror and said out loud I have cancer!!! and so I started to replace these words, both mentally, and verbally out loud with what was to become my most significant mantra and words I shall carrier with me daily for the rest of my life “I am Healed I am Whole and I am Healthy”, this became imprinted on my subconscious mind I can tell you! And as we know the sub conscious mind can’t tell the difference between and truth and a lie and therefore it has no other recourse but to make what you tell it a Reality.
I created a virtual army of Trojans and Gladiators, Pac Men and the like, and I put them to work, every quite moment I would talk to them, after every round of chemo I would send them out to battle, re armed and re loaded, ready to seek and destroy. It became like a video playing out in my mind, over and over again, day in and day out. And at night, before I fell asleep, and in that most important of times when the sub conscious mind is Really listening and taking on board, ever iota of information I fed it, that the True Healing took place. Why? Because in the sleep state that’s when our sub conscious is most awake, most efficient and most amenable to suggestion! It’s how we continue to breath during sleep, to digest and process our bodies needs and so I new as I fell asleep my mind and body were hard at work fighting for my very Life. And each morning I gave thanks and praise to my boys & girls in there working to Recreate me.
I told my friends, family and anyone who new about me, that they must NEVER visualise me as sick, that whenever they thought about me, heard my name, or I just popped up visually in there heads, that they must always see me visually as healed and to shout out loud HEALED WHOLE AND HEALTHY, because, this is the cool part of healing and its what I call the Collective Energies. They work like a magnet would, and once these thoughts and words are out there in the ether, they are collected by the universal energies which guide our lives daily and they come back to me.
Thankfully and incredibly and much to my amazement I am blessed with the most wonderful friends & family, not to mention a huge community of people whom many I have known all my life and some I would not know if I passed them in the street, but these folks took me to there hearts and souls, and they prayed and the screamed out loud HEALED, WHOLE AND HEALTHY, and they supported and encouraged me and they carried me every single minute, hour, and day through every step of this journey, and I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, that I have never felt more loved, nurtured, cared for and cherished than I have in those months gone by. I am now and will always be convinced that there thoughts and prayers collectively, along with my own desire to be healed, Empowered the healing process within 10 fold to that most magnificent point of Recreation and today I am Healed.
What we must remember at this point, is that the medical process of treatment involving chemo over 6 months, has of course been a major part of my healing and I would not be so naïve as to think or believe that I along with everyone else healed me, but, to put it into perspective, when I went to the hospital at Bart’s to see my Oncologist for the results of my Bone Marrow Biopsy, I along with my parents and everyone else, truly believed that I would be leaving her office with an immediate date to be admitted to Bart’s for a Stem Cell Transplant, which is, what all my Dr’s, nurses and others medical professionals had lead me to believe, and who had in fact prepared me for from day one of diagnosis that this would almost definitely be my planned course of treatment!
Now, for those of you who do not know what this treatment entails, it is an extremely intrusive and difficult treatment, involving a stay in hospital of up to 7 weeks, where by you are given 5 days of intense chemo therapy and where your stem cells are harvested washed and re administered, followed by a long period of time in isolation, as you have at this point no immunity to fight any other illness or disease. I had come to call this part of my treatment phase II. Yesterday’s consultation with my Dr at Bart’s took me and my parents completely and utterly by surprise! The shock in the room when she announced that I was in remission and that no trace of the Dis-Ease could be found in my blood or bones was palpable! and my Dr’s face which was magical and is imprinted on my mind and will be for the rest of my life.
The joy and pleasure I felt at that moment was truly a remarkable experience, although I would not want to go through it again I will remember always. Walking out of Bart’s felt like a dream and it wasn’t until half way home that the reality really started to sink in, that I am Cancer free. So what did this tell me about my Faith? That all encompassing feeling I have had from almost day one that I was Healed Whole and Healthy. It told me that, when you trust in the Power of the Universe, the energy and the force of the Power of thought each and every minute, then you have the only mental tool you need to Survive Cancer or for that matter any adversity that life throws your way.
We are what we create, one day at a time, one minute at a time Healed Whole and Healthy…………..
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