I hadn’t been on the Leukaemia Research website for a while, so it came as quite a surprise when I went on yesterday discovered a quote from my first blog post was on their front page! I’m not the sort of person who normal writes blogs so I pleased that someone had seen enough in what I’d written to promote me on the front page. But it also had the funny effect of bringing everything back to the forefront of my mind reminding me of when I was first diagnosed. I think if someone had asked me what was up at that moment, I’d have broken down with the sudden emotion of it all.
My last blood test was in July and everything was fine, my counts had stay the same since my last test but in the heat of the moment I couldn’t see the positive. I think this stems from getting worked up before hand with the lead up to the blood test, the waiting for the day of my hospital appointment then the waiting at the hospital itself. In the spur of the moment, it all got a bit too much. I had a good chat with my nurse afterwards then had an appointment with my councillor so I was able to get things off my chest.
After the dust had settled, I was able to see that things were all heading in the right direction and now don’t really think about my CLL. I know it’ll be something that is with me but why let it bother me as I’ve not got anything to worry about at the moment.
One of the things I’ve done to cope with things is to try and get fit. I heard someone at work talk about the NHS Couch to 5k programme, so I thought I’d look into it as I’d been looking for something to get my fitness back. If anyone is looking to get fit themselves, I’d highly recommend the as it seems to work. I’ve worked through the 9 week programme and can now running regularly. I even bought myself a Leukaemia Research running shirt to advertise the charity when I’m out and remind myself in a positive way why I’m personally running.
I still have my moments but I’m a lot more positive about things than before. I’ve been quite tired recently so at the back of my mind is the thought “is it due to the CLL?” Also I’ve also not been sleeping well so again the nagging though “is that due to the CLL?” I already know the answer to one of the questions – No! I’m tired because I’m running and I’m not as young as I used to be! I’m not sure about the sleeping but I’m sure that’ll sort it out.
All in all I think my experience yesterday was just an emotional blip. I’ll have now and again, but I’ll be mainly just getting on with my life!