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Still feeling lucky?

Posted by
10 May 2015

It has been a strange month since writing my last post. Life for most appears to have returned to normal and this is true for me too. On the surface anyway.

The side effects of my medication are becoming progressively worse. I constantly feel sick and have headaches most days along with pain in my lower legs. I suffer with water retention too which is the cause of the headaches and my eyes to feel sore and puffy. These side effects are like a reminder that I am unwell but also a reminder that my tablets are doing their job.

I am currently having an emotional struggle too which has led to a question I haven't been able to answer yet. What is worse? An illness that has a lesser chance of survival but I could fight and possibly be free of, or an illness which will never go away but has a higher chance of survival? I guess in time, I will learn to deal with the fact that there is no answer and I should be grateful that I am here and able to live for the moment. Its just sometimes, I get tired of trying to be positive all the time.

It's amazing how many people I have spoken to recently with some sort of cancer or illness. I have admired their ability to accept what has been dealt to them and it has inspired me to do the same. I realise that we should never take people at face value as alot of people are having their own inner struggles but look "normal" and healthy on the outside. However, on the in, may be fighting something daily, weekly or even constantly for the rest of their lives.

Despite the side effects, training for Tough Mudder is going well and I am regularly running 5 miles with ease. I am going to attempt 10k next weekend but I still can only do 1 pull up. I watch the guys at the gym making this exercise look effortless and I am in ore. Maybe the monkey bars at the park are going to be my limit for now.



Thanks so much for the update Jackie!

Really sorry to hear that the side effects have got worse. What medication are you on? I'm sure you've done this already but it might be worth discussing the side-effects with your consultant as there may be other options that you could explore.

It sounds like you've adopted a fantastic attitude however and I completely understand your emotional dilemma. As you say, it really is impossible to call. We've come a long way in the treatment of CML and drugs like Gleevec have been hugely successful at achieving states of remission for patients. However, as you know they're equally not a cure at this stage.

The only real 'cure' at this stage for CML remains the bone marrow transplant but there are many risks attached and even then it can still return. There's also the possibility of long-term side effects. 

Really glad to hear that training for the Tough Mudder is going well. If you're already doing 5 miles then 10k will be a breeze! Stay in touch and thanks so much for everything that you're doing to help us beat blood cancer!


Beautiful baby sister. I hate that this illness has picked on you and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this every day.
You're such an inspiration, your training is impressive and I fear I'm going to slow you down in pur Toughmudder challenge. I am stepping up my training and can run 5k but can do zero pull ups.


CML is a weird one, because you have cancer and understand that it's a very serious illness and yet I never once really felt that sick. I had the odd side effect but they soon passed. It's a tough one emotionally and less physically. Just wanted to state that your not alone in feeling this way. I myself am a 7 and a half year veteran of CML. Also good luck for your tough mudder!