It has been a strange month since writing my last post. Life for most appears to have returned to normal and this is true for me too. On the surface anyway.
The side effects of my medication are becoming progressively worse. I constantly feel sick and have headaches most days along with pain in my lower legs. I suffer with water retention too which is the cause of the headaches and my eyes to feel sore and puffy. These side effects are like a reminder that I am unwell but also a reminder that my tablets are doing their job.
I am currently having an emotional struggle too which has led to a question I haven't been able to answer yet. What is worse? An illness that has a lesser chance of survival but I could fight and possibly be free of, or an illness which will never go away but has a higher chance of survival? I guess in time, I will learn to deal with the fact that there is no answer and I should be grateful that I am here and able to live for the moment. Its just sometimes, I get tired of trying to be positive all the time.
It's amazing how many people I have spoken to recently with some sort of cancer or illness. I have admired their ability to accept what has been dealt to them and it has inspired me to do the same. I realise that we should never take people at face value as alot of people are having their own inner struggles but look "normal" and healthy on the outside. However, on the in, may be fighting something daily, weekly or even constantly for the rest of their lives.
Despite the side effects, training for Tough Mudder is going well and I am regularly running 5 miles with ease. I am going to attempt 10k next weekend but I still can only do 1 pull up. I watch the guys at the gym making this exercise look effortless and I am in ore. Maybe the monkey bars at the park are going to be my limit for now.