I’ve been stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment as I really want to write an amazing blog entry and wow you all with my story but my inspiration and enthusiasm levels are sub-zero. As the first block of chemo ended I experienced my first real low point and I felt lousy.
Here I struggled because I didn’t want the blog to be all doom and gloom, but I also don’t want to give you a false representation and pretend that everything was A-Okay.
Mum (and the doctors) started to worry as my mental state wasn’t great, I stopped going out of my room as much and lost the will to do simple things like showering every day (ugh, so much effort!). I felt frustrated with myself for being so weak and my brain was all foggy which was upsetting. The sickness made my weight suddenly drop and sometimes even the thought of solid food was impossible. Reading Macmillan booklets helped me realise that what I was experiencing was normal and perfectly acceptable, and if all I can manage is sitting in bed all day watching TV sometimes I am allowed to! Thankfully I have just about got over this little dip and the prospect of a trip out tomorrow is making me even happier!
Today my pesky neutrophils dropped down to 0.2 (we’re trying to get to 0.5 for overnight leave and 0.7 for next chemo) and my platelets went up by 1 from 39 to 40 but Heather (one of the lovely nurses) fought my case and swung the doctor into giving me leave for the next two days. It will be my first EVER proper trip out of hospital, since August! Tomorrow me and dad are going out in the morning for a ‘carty’ (car + party= carty) where you crank up the music and burn some rubber then when mum and Dan get here we are going to drive to a local arboretum for an afternoon walk and some fresh air. I still have to avoid people as I have no immune system so the wide open space will be useful. On Sunday I hope to be driven all the way home to Chichester and have demanded that mum does one of her amazing roast dinners- I’m talking multiple roasted vegetables, Yorkshire puddings, the works. Mmmmmmmmm.
I am really excited to get outside again! I think some fresh air and proper family time will be really good for me as this whole situation is a big strain on everyone. This weekend we can have some normality back even for a little bit and hopefully we get a break from carrying the weight of cancer. Aside from being careful with food and personal hygiene I am going to pretend it doesn’t exist! I’m sure I will have two new posts detailing my adventures for you very soon, until then sending oodles of love,