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"We're stopping the treatment" - hardest words to hear about my dad.

Posted by
14 Jul 2016

The treatment is no longer helping and we'll be stopping it. He will be looking at more end of life care from now on. Sickening words to hear & my heart is breaking for my wonderful father.

A few weeks ago my dad was told that the RCHOP/ methotrexate combo treatment he'd been receiving for his nhl lymphoma was going to be stopped as it wasn't working anymore and the doctors now know the cancerous cells have spread throughout his brain. Devastated is just an understatement of how I feel for him, let alone for my mother who has been by his side almost every day since the start of this year, supporting him through this horrible time. It's been a time of terrible lows since he was hospitalised in Feb; paranoia, numerous infections of bladder and kidneys, sleepless nights, bleak depressions & hopelessness. There have also been some highs too; massive closeness and authenticity in the whole familys relationships with dad, humour, meeting the most amazing nurses, carers and social workers who have been such a help to dad & so nice to us all, to name but a few.

However now comes the hardest part - facing my fathers approaching death and the fact that he will never walk unaided again ( his balance is severely affected by the lymphoma). His option now that we have all agreed on is a care home nearest to mum, so that we can spend as much quality time with him as possible & make his passing as positive as it can be. This is not how he planned this year to be, but as they say, God laughs when you make plans. Any advice or help anyone has for our family, especially my dad, please do message me if possible..it would be invaluable. I am petrified for him and would like any knowledge anyone has out there who has gone through losing someone to this. Much love to you all on your own journeys & to Bloodwise in particular, for being such a marvellous resource & support. 

Live, laugh, love xxx ❤ 





I am so, so sorry to hear that RCHOP/methotrexate combination hasn't worked out for your father and that the suggested course of treatment is now palliative care. That's such a bitter, bitter pill to swallow and words don't ever really seem enough.

I remember being in a similar situation myself 12 years ago with my mum when her treatment had failed and palliative care treatment was all that remained. I felt so powerless and frustrated that there wasn't anything more that could be done but that did fade in time once acceptance kicked in. It then became a case of making sure that we helped ensure that she received the best possible palliative care she could and that we, as a family, were around to support her as much as possible.

It sounds like you're already beginning to think about how you can do this which is good. We devised a rota of when people would see my mum to make sure that she had visitors as often as possible and we also tried to do nice things - where possible - in the time that we had left.

You'll have good days and bad days in the days, weeks and hopefully even months ahead and the key thing is to make the most of the good days and don't be too down when it's a harder day. Support is out there to help you and Marie Curie are an excellent first port of call as they specialise in helping patients and their families come to terms with and then prepare for/make the most of the time that remains. Here's a link to their website: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk

Macmillan also have a fantastic section on their website and we found the Macmillan nurse that helped with my mum's palliative care an enormous support for us all. Here's the link: http://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/at-the-end-of-life/dealing-with-the-news

We're also here to help in any way that we can on 0808 2080 888 or via email at support@bloodwise.org.uk

I do hope this helps in some small way and want you to know that we're doing everything we can to beat this horrible disease. We're all thinking of you and I htink that you've done a fantastic job at being strong and supportive for your Dad - he couldn't ask for more than that and you couldn't do more than you're already doing.



Elmo, I am so sorry to read your news, and it must be so difficult being unable to do much apart from be there as a family. It is also difficult watching the person you knew as Dad become someone else. I can't be of much comfort, but during the difficult time ahead remember and talk about the good times, get out old photos and mementoes. Best wishes to you all


Elmo, I am so so sorry to hear your news, i can't imagine how heatbreaking it must have been for you and your family. In the weeks and months ahead try to remember all the good times, sending so much love to you and your family x

Lizzie Goates

I am so terribly sorry to read this Elmo. I cannot begin to imagine what you are all going through at the moment. I hope that you are able to spend some further quality time together and laugh over all the wonderful happy memories you have together, as it sounds like there are many of these. Please do get in touch with ourselves should you ever wish to have a friendly chat and talk through anything, we are always here to listen. Take care and all our thoughts and best wishes to your family, Lizzie  

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