shahonna Grove
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What Invisible Illness Really Looks Like

shahonna Grove
Posted by
29 Feb 2016

“Judge tenderly, if you must. There is usually a side you have not heard, a story you know nothing about, and a battle waged that you are not having to fight.”
― Traci Lea LaRussa

It can’t be that bad.
You don’t look sick.

You’re right,I don’t because you see what I allow you to see.

“Judge tenderly, if you must. There is usually a side you have not heard, a story you know nothing about, and a battle waged that you are not having to fight.”
― Traci Lea LaRussa

It can’t be that bad.
You don’t look sick.

You’re right,I don’t because you see what I allow you to see.

Your sick,
Is my normal

When you’re calling off work
I’m covering my scars and showing up,
So I don’t look sick
So you don’t strip me of the last bit of dignity I have.

I’m pushing thorough,because I’m scared of what will happen to me if I no longer have a reason to get out of bed.
This is what life with a life threatening invisible illness is like.

A lot of times we’re self-conscious about the way we look,the weight gain or loss due to our medication. We listen to people share their opinions on diet and exercise because clearly,we are doing something wrong,and it’s their civic duty to set us straight.

We have Doctor’s constantly asking questions about things we’re not comfortable talking about and live in
fear of looking “too good” and having them not believing us.

I can’t speak for anyone else,but after fighting Aplastic Anemia for almost 23 years, I’m worn out,I’m tired. I can sleep for twelve hours and wake up feeling like I never slept.I battle bone pain, fatigue, and brain fog on a regular basis.

What if we paraded our scars for everyone to see. What if they could see how bad the disease has ravished our bodies inside and out. I often wondered,would they be more comfortable seeing all the wounds,the scars from an infected port that almost killed me? A matching scar from a broken port on the other side that had to be fished out of my heart before I went into cardiac arrest? Or the long one from breast bone to belly button,where I started to bleed out during my laparoscopic splenectomy? I battle with this body everyday, not knowing when or if it will ever end.

How about the hair that may or may not grow,or grows in patches just long enough to tease me,before falling out. The third attempt at a port,this time in my left arm,or the constant 24/7,365 iron chelation pump that I have to wear to keep iron from depositing in my heart and other major organs or the mask I should be wearing to protect me from germs,because my immune system is now obsolete.

Sure,I don’t look sick, but would you be more comfortable if I did?

“I’ve been fighting my whole life. It’s not a choice for me.
Every punch I’ve ever thrown has been on my own.
Nobody showed me how to do this.”-Creed 2015

see pictures and full post here: http://imsomebodee.com/?p=1961

 

Photo Credit:Jenna Marie Laudermilch Photog.

Comments

Eleanor Baggley
09.03.2016

Shahonna, this is another great blog - thank you for sharing. This is something I've heard many people speak of in regards to their conditions and I can only imagine how difficult it is to live with an invisible illness. It's important to break down those stereotypes and stigmas associated with illness and this blog does just that. Best wishes, Eleanor