Lindsey D
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Writing a book about my experiences

Lindsey D
Posted by
08 Jun 2015

During my switch to the third kind of oral cancer medication for my CML, I had a lot of side effects and little energy. I wanted to make myself useful, so I started writing my book. (Published February 2015)

I looked at a lot of ‘spare’ time because running and competition weren’t an option, I was graduated, but I couldn’t do my job because of the nerve and muscle pain, so I decided to write a book about my experiences. I wanted to help other people with my story. No good-news-show, but also no bad-news show. The reality. My reality. And in this world, there often is a lack about that. Everything must be great, brilliant, or bad. Normal isn’t good enough. And people with cancer has to be hero’s! Everything has to be fine! No bad days, only hope and believe everything will be okay! “You have cancer? Then you will die soon, or you will get cured.” “And getting cured means, living ‘normal’ again. Doing everything what the society expects you to do. No signs of ‘weakness’.”

You aren’t bald? You aren’t swollen? And you don’t have to lie in the hospital? Oh, so everything is fine then? Because you ‘look’ that way! You are bald? Oh, then you really are serious sick, and your end is coming.
No, people and situations doesn’t belong in cabinets! Things aren’t black are white. There is a whole color palette out there in the world! Nice and bright colors, and also darker and sober ones. And that’s okay. Things doesn’t have to be fine all the time! Some days are just really shitty! And that doesn’t make you weak. That makes you human.
As long as the hope transcend the despair, as long as the love outdo hate, as long as help is stronger then jealousy, people will get through, together. Going our way together. Not running away from each other. Knowing that bad things happen, but trusting the good things are more powerful. Realizing there are always solutions. And hope is always there, even when it’s just around the corner, so you aren’t able to see it.
There are a lot of situations were people are feeling so lonely. At the same time, every single people, can be a solution for that. Every small act, can mean a big step in someone’s life. Writing my book, begin honest about my deepest emotions, describing how destroying some experiences and events were, was like siting on an emotional rollercoaster. But feeling and going through all the wonderful things that came along, are also magical to realize. ‘Thanks to my cancer’, I learn to enjoy the small things in life. I make time for what and who really matters. I realize some things aren’t self-evident or logical. And I’m grateful for the good things in life. It just makes me sad, I didn’t saw that earlier. When I had the energy to handle it to the fullest.
Believe me, when someone is standing on my toe, by coincidence, or when I’m soaking wet after the rain, I’m also mocking. But the difference is, after a minute or so, I’m laughing with it. There really are worse things in life. Relativize, enjoy life, before it’s too late. It is a cliché, and normally, I’m diametrically opposed to clichés, but let’s make one exception. Just one;-). And just no, in fact, it’s never too late.

Although my cancer thwarted a lot of my dreams and goals, I believe there is an other way to reach them. And even when the endpoint would be changed, I’m sure other dreams and goals, maybe even more beautiful ones, will come on our way. As long as we keep believing and keep trying, at the end, it will be all worth it.
Sometimes it isn’t reasonable way some things happen. But I’m sure it has a goal. Although I would like to know them, so I would be less often pissed off, when something works out completely different.

I really hope my book: Running away isn’t an option (But then in Dutch: Weglopen is geen optie, Lannoo EAN 9789401424684) reaches a lot of people. Not only sick people. Not only people with cancer. I hope every single people who’s reading it have something about it. And I secretly believe it does! Not running away from sick people, not running away from troubles, or difficult things in life, not running away from other people, but instead: helping each other, join forces, being their for one another and finding solutions for every obstacle, because solutions does exists! In Belgium, there is already a third print, but there isn’t an English version (yet). Maybe in the future…We will see!

Take care and lots of love!


(c) picture Tom Brinckman




I think this is absolutely fantastic and think that it's really important for people to get a true picture about blood cancer and what it's like. As you say it isn't black and white and a simple case of being ok or being very seriously ill.

It can be difficult for chronic patients - especially those with CML - who don't look outwardly sick with many thinking that because the person hasn't lost their hair or lost lots and lots of weight that they must be fine.

I'd be really interested to read your book. Have you got an English version available and if so where can we get hold of a copy?


Unfortunately, my book is not (yet) translated in English. I hope in the future this will happen, but there has to be an interested Publisher who is willing to do it and also a translater.
But if one day, it is translated, I will let it know for sure on this page!

Thanks for the comment and take care!