Rebecca J
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You Can't Always Get What You Want

Rebecca J
Posted by
12 Jul 2014

2/10/13

Hi guys.
I’m really sorry as I know this morning’s post was no ray of sunshine, but I have another sombre post for today. I got an update from the doctor on what the next steps are regarding treatment and I thought I’d let you know.

I’ve started my last week of “Induction” chemotherapy  by having a final drip of Vincristine and the steroids I’m on are now gradually decreasing each day. At the end of this week I then get a break from chemo.
In this break they wait for people’s levels to recover and try to give them a bit of a rest so it is unpredictable how long it could last. In this gap the possibility of going out for afternoons or taking trips home arises, but unfortunately I lack good news in this department.

The plan is for my break to only last about a week and in that time I doubt my levels will go up enough to allow a full night home or even a trip back to Chichester. Would there even be a point? It comes as a blow as I am just beginning to feel frustrated and itching for normality. I want to go shopping again. To go to Starbucks with my best friend. College. I’d even take the gym right now! It has made me realise that there are so many simple things like walking to the shops we take for granted and how we don’t realise what privileged lives we have. Can I ask you to do something for me? Try living life to the full this week. Smile more,  do random acts of kindness and appreciate all the small things. It’ll make you feel great!

After the week off from chemo I will start the second phase called “Consolidation”. This should be similar to the first phase in that it will be drips on certain days of the week and it may last a similar amount of time. This is the other blow- by the time that is over I will probably have been in hospital for 12 weeks. Kind of a daunting prospect. I am already thinking about how to spend my time positively- planning dads 50th bash and shopping for everyone’s Christmas presents online are my main projects so far, but other time fillers will be a set of weights, DVDs and lots of wonderful books!

To summarise, I will be here in Southampton for the foreseeable future which is both a good and bad thing. There are a lot of feelings buzzing around my head right now and today has been an emotional rollercoaster!

My hope now is that in the week gap where I don’t have to have any chemo there is an opportunity when my levels are high enough to jump into the car, drive to the nearest bit of open or quiet countryside/waterfront and get out for even an hour. Half an hour. Just one little bit of freedom before another elongated hospital stay. If you guys could pray for this to happen I would be so grateful as you can probably tell how desperate I am!  I picture the moment in my head as the scene in Beauty and the Beast when Belle sings Little Town and runs over the hill with her arms outstretched… If I do this I promise to put up a video. There’s some motivation for you!