Lindsey D
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Dear cancer, hello again! Give me the 'after'

Lindsey D
Posted by
22 Jul 2015

It's 4 years since I got the diagnose of CML. And ever since, I've been taking oral cancer medication, dealing with side effects and making the best of it. Time to write a new letter to my cancer!

Dear cancer, hello again!

Hey you! Yes you! Indeed! I’m talking to you! You, who’s dividing my life for the past 4 years not in a ‘before’ an ‘after’, but in a ‘during’.
And during, that’s where the shoe pinches. I’m getting sick and tired of that!

You’re hunting me after each corner of my road, you creep up, like a dark shadow in the night. And during the darkest moments in life, when I can’t see the light, you’re keeping up with me. Sometimes, you’re even scary ahead. Face to face. Luckily, I can’t see you, with my head blazing in the sun! But even then, you’re always around. And you’re a rock at it. That stalking, sneaky way.

With your 1000 shapes and even 100 faces, it seems like I get to know you each time all over again. With every check-up, with every rock bottum, with every small change in treatment, it’s like a new acquaintance. But non of them, were nice introductions.

At times, I embrace you, because I have no other option. And even now and then, because it’s better that way. For awhile anyway. But a warm welcome, it never was. And it never will be. I’d rather hug a bunch of starving crocodiles, then spending more time then needed in that embrace  with you. You simply languish me. Suffocate me. But air is wath I need! Oxygen! To live!

Indeed, living! Something you want too. Except, you want it together. With me. And thats never going to work. We call it: surviving. Not living. You will notice, as soon as you go on without me. Because you will! Without searching a new ‘ally’. Finding. Smothering. Alone. All by yourself. You can do that! Let’s give it a try?

You really have to love me a lot! That you, even with all my hard attempts, with all my perseverance to knock you down, still don’t let me go.  But you know what, that isn’t real love. That isn’t love at all. No symbiosis. Rather a parasitoid. Where sooner or later, one of us is going to die. And believe me, it isn’t going to be me!
Besides, did you know that rocks can be smashed? That they are even soluble in acid?

But it doesn’t have to end like that! We can diverge as friends! Just give me that after. A real, final after. For good. After.

Now!

Lindsey

Comments

22.07.2015

Very powerful stuff Lindsey and superbly written!

I really hope things are going better for you with treatment at the moment as I know that you've been having quite a few complications in recent times. Stay in touch and remember that we're here to help you in any way that we can.

01.08.2015

Lindsey, 

Your writing is truly inspirational.

You have a unique and compative one-to-one communication with your cancer. I hope that the English version of your book becomes a reality. It would inspire those of us who are unfortunate not to speak/read your native lanquage.

Keep up the fight and go the extra round to defeat it!