Kate G
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Diary of a "Fake" Cancer Patient aka Watch & Wait

Kate G
Posted by
22 Apr 2014

I thought long & hard about what to call my blog - I've never done a blog before but felt that it needed a name that summed up exactly how I feel about my cancer. After some considerable thought I decided upon "Diary of a "Fake" Cancer Patient because in many respects that is what Watch & Wait does for you - I look healthy & largely I feel pretty healthy (except for those fatigue days when I can't get out of bed) but I have this thing growing inside me that is not being treated & sometimes that becomes quite difficult to understand & even harder to explain. People usually exude this air of disbelief when told but this is counteracted by the fact that I cant get life insurance & travel insurance is usually pretty expensive unless you exclude the cancer. Sometimes I dont believe it myself either .....  

So in terms of how I'm feeling at present, I often feel like a fake - after all I havent gone through chemotherapy yet, or had disfiguring surgery yet there is this stigma about the word cancer & because I don't look as people expect a Stage 3B cancer patient to look I don't fit-in. Some days that is more of a challenge than others !

At present, I'm between checks, my next one is due in about 6 weeks & my tension levels are just starting to crank up, in case things are not as stable as they have been & this really is the true test of watch & wait - living your life with cancer since living my life after cancer is not a place I will ever get to. The reality of watch & wait is that you only get treated when your sympton burden is such that chemotherapy is used to reduce those symptoms but it will never eradicate the disease. As a result you have two choices - you can live with cancer or you can exist instead & my choice will always be to LIVE!

Comments

Ellie Dawes
22.04.2014

Great blog thank you, Kate. This reminded me of you guys living life to the max in Disney last year! Hope you and Dan are well and all the very best for your next check,

Ellie

Anonymous
22.04.2014

You are a truly amazing woman and I am truly greatful to have such a wonderful friend.
You give your all to everything and everyone. Daniel is such a lucky young man to have such a brave and amazing mum like you.
Xxxxxxx

Anonymous
22.04.2014

You've hit the nail on the head Kate...great blog!
Like you I have CLL and have yet to have treatment and you do feel a fake. My only reminder is 2 slug like lumps either side of my Adam's apple. I still feel so fit and I think I've convinced myself the doctors have made a mistake!
Hope you saw the report last week. They think they can stop CLL in its tracks in 5 years!
We will beat it!

Anonymous
22.04.2014

Kate that is a truly inspirational blog. Your strong will and determination will carry you through to your next check. Good luck with that hunny xx <3 That young man hanging around your neck is very proud of your courage.

Anonymous
16.05.2014

thank you so much!! I am in same boat :)

Anonymous
22.04.2015

kate I think your amazing and such a wonderful person
keep fighting sweetheart cause we r all with you xxx