Kate G
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Diary of a "Fake" Cancer Patient - Something old, something new, something borrowed ........

Kate G
Posted by
27 Aug 2014

My brother got married at the beginning of the month & it was the most glorious happy day, it was lovely to spend time with family & friends & my Dan looked extremely handsome in his suit to match his Uncle David, whom he absolutely adores. It was fantastic to catch up with some people I haven’t seen for a very long time & all round it was a great day! I’m thrilled to have gained a gorgeous sister & am over the moon to see my brother so very happy.

I always cry at weddings, I love the pomp & ceremony & it is always so lovely to see people get married when you know that they are meant to be together, that they genuinely adore each other & the day becomes what it should be i.e. a celebration of that love. It was the first wedding I’ve attended since my diagnosis & I have to admit I found it even more emotional than usual, openly blubbing before the bride even walked down the aisle but since it was my brother’s wedding I think I was allowed to. I was quite relieved to see at least one other person crying too but I am often the only one so it usually gives everybody else a giggle …

Not sure if I am more emotional these days because of my cancer, but when you think about it, it is unusual to be openly crying in front of others so I suppose what I’m saying is that there aren’t that many places/occasions where it’s almost socially acceptable to cry. Even as a child, you hear parents telling their children not to be a cry baby & I think that it’s a crime that young men in particular are discouraged from showing their emotions & expressing their feelings because “boys don’t cry”. It’s absolute rubbish & makes me quite angry because people become almost robotic on the surface & genuinely don’t know how to enunciate what is going on in their heads which is why psychological support is often needed to release that pressure cooker of tension, worries & fears.

Communication is the basis of any healthy relationship & I worry that we compromise our ability to maintain relationships as we try to be as strong & controlled on the surface as possible. I would love to wave my magic wand & tell others that it’s ok to be scared, to be down, to have a bad day because it’s all of those things that keep us human & by opening up to others we allow the possibility that we can let others in. In my last appointment with my psychologist, I was challenged to ask others in my support community for help when I next have a “down” day, which is something that I just don’t do, & at the moment it feels like a mountain to climb. I’m sure that others in my position struggle with the same thing, find it easier to offer support, than to accept it. I’ll report back in my next blog about whether I was successful ……..

Comments

29.09.2014

Hi Kate,

Only just seen this blog!

First things first, congratulations to your brother. So glad that he's found that special someone and that you were able to be there to share his big day.

I couldn't agree with you more about how ridiculous it is that there is this notion that crying is a sign of weakness and that we should remain strong at all times. It's not healthy in my opinion to keep things bottled up and I actually think it takes a lot of guts to show emotion and turn to people when you need help making crying and showing weakness an actual strength in my book. 

Good luck with asking others for support during your next 'down day' - although obviously I'd rather that you didn't have one! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results!