Goodness knows I'm trying to be positive, the chemotherapy does not give me any problems except fatigue. It's the constant fear I am experiencing that is the problem.
The Azacitidine is only a tempory fix, not a cure. My haematologist tells me that it can be effective for between 1 and 5 years depending on the initial prognosis, mine was poor.
It's like being on death row, I'm living from one blood test to the next each month. The fear recedes somewhat during the day but creeps back at night. I am experiencing terrible nightmares and wake in panic in the small hours.
I have used the Macmillan support line and the Samaritans but that help does not last for long. It's no use seeing my GP who disregarded another GPs warning that a blood test showed a bone marrow problem six months ago, I no longer have any confidence in him.
Any advice how to overcome this terror I am feeling would be very welcome.